By: Emily B.
Disclaimer: This is a satirical piece so it is a purely only argumentative strategy which utilizes humor to argue the importance of making the best out of hard situations. In no way is this article intended to discredit depression or make fun of any mental disorders. If you feel you are experiencing depression and need to talk to someone, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
Let me tell you, 2019 has given me some moments where I completely lost my mind and wanted to scream and/or punch through a wall. Correction: punch through multiple walls. #notahealthylifestyle. I understood that the majority of people were having days just as awful as I was, which partly made me mad because HOW DARE SOMEONE BE AS MISERABLE AS I AM! But most everyone seemed to just move on with their lives and figure their misfortunes out. So how come I wasn’t able to do that? How come I seemed to be the only person still sulking about that one time three years ago when the cashier at Chipotle charged me for guac when I didn’t even get guac but I was too scared to say anything? How come? Well, after some long and enlightening existential discussions with my two best buds Ben and Jerry, I realized something. It doesn’t matter how many bad cards the universe deals you; what matters is your mindset. The most vital part of achieving a more fruitful life is finding the positives in the negatives. This concept might not work in algebra, but it will work in everyday circumstances.
Get a bad test grade?
McDonald’s is always hiring.
Drop food on the ground?
At least the ants get a good meal.
Friend hates you for no apparent reason?
Why have friends when you could have dogs.
Finish a book series?
There’s no shame in reading it again.
Trip and fall?
If someone caught it on video then you’ll go viral and make money!
Someone didn’t catch it on video?
Save yourself from embarrassment.
Totally bombed a job interview?
I’m sure your parents have a home you can move into.
Didn’t sell enough cookies?
Buy enough to reach your quota and then eat them all.
Realize that you’ve been eating too many cookies to compensate for a lack of happiness?
No one ever said that’s a bad thing.
Aliens invade earth?
Eh, time for a change in power anyways.
Don’t get into the college of your dreams?
They obviously can’t handle your amazingness.
Out of toilet paper?
Watch more tik tok compilations until someone comes to your rescue.
Out of toilet paper and you live by yourself?
It’s ok, no one is watching what you do next.
Got passed over for a position that you so clearly deserved because you consistently worked hard all year so what is even the point of giving your all to something if people aren’t going to realize how much you actually contribute and your potential?
You can’t win everything and that just means you’ll have other opportunities.
Sorry if that last one was a little specific. Jokes and satirical commentary aside, bad stuff does occur- that’s life. There will never be a day where you don’t meet adversity. What matters is your point of view. Letting obstacles and failures consume your mind is ultimately a waste of time. You can either sulk and pity yourself, or get up and do something about it. Make changes! Find a solution! Take action! You always have a choice no matter what with no exceptions. It’s ok to be upset, but it’s unhealthy to let your sorrow drag on. Sometimes it can be really challenging to try to find the positive in situations; it can be frustrating as well because being angry and upset will seem more appropriate in regards to what the universe throws at you. Just remember, it takes just as much energy to fill the cup up half-way as it does to pour water out of the cup.
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